I am hit up all the time to make charitable donations.
From friends, from family, from acquaintances at work, outside the grocery store, at the mall.
Every time someone approaches me to cough up money for their cause, my brain immediately goes to the same place, i.e., who is going to donate to my charity?
All the donations I’ve made in my lifetime have resulted in little return karma for me. At this point, I’m only donating to my infertility fund. I feel no guilt about this.
It just occurred to me that I went in for day 3 #’s, but didn’t ask what they were. All I know is that they were “fine.” They had me repeat the progesterone draw and then asked me if I was taking DHEA (which I am). Ok then.
We are gearing up to write the IVF clinic some big checks, but we are waiting till the last possible minute. I am trying to find some Lovenox and Gonal F still. I do have some donated meds coming my way (thank you thank you thank you) which has offset the costs some, but the expense of IVF is still outrageous.
Also, Dr. Braverman suggested my husband take Clomid, and he said he’d be happy to prescribe it, but has since reneged. It’s been an absolute headache trying to get Clomid and since IVF is approaching, we are running out of time.
We are confirmed to cycle at our former clinic in July. There is no backing out as our insurance is changing in September.
I’m undecided if I will share the intimate details of this cycle on my blog, or on various fertility communities. I know there are many of you rooting for us. It’s just so so hard to fail in front of an audience.
We’ve been out of the infertility loop for an entire year. Life is easier when you aren’t experiencing the clusterfuck of cycling.
10 days before we cycle, We are seeing Dr. Braverman for advice. I truly hope our new insurance allows us to cycle with him at some point in the future.
I have a false hope that my husband lost 35lbs and his bloodwork came back perfect and this will somehow make his sperm better.
We need meds. So if anyone wants to pitch some to me, that would be fantastic.
Since my last post, we pushed our next (and last) IVF to October. To be honest, we are both still struggling (when does it get better?). We’ve lost confidence in ever seeing success. But, we are also enjoying life without IVF treatments. Without constant injections. Without the side effects. And without the fresh failures. In truth, we’ve been out of the IVF mindfuck for the past 8 months.
That was until yesterday, when we learned our insurance may change drastically in September. So now the question is, do we cycle with our current clinic in July or roll the dice and see if somehow our new insurance will allow us to cycle with Dr. Braverman.
Either way, this does mean that we need to get back to the supplements. And back to the acupuncture. The thought of going through all of it again with 0 success is just gut wrenching.
There are a lot of people e-mailing and also checking this blog. Thank you to those of you who have reached out.
Where to start?
We did not fly to Chicago.
We have postponed 4 IVF cycles.
We cancelled 2 visits to Dr. Braverman.
Someone took a run at me re: our decision to not adopt. I maintain these are very personal decisions and with the years we’ve clocked into fertility treatments, we have had quality time to cement how we feel.
Someone else (who has never had a miscarriage) gave me crap for not bouncing back fast enough.
We tentatively have a plan to endure another (and our last) IVF in July.
Yet, I wonder if it’s all moot as we still cannot afford a gestational carrier.