My Heart and My Sanity

Since we learned the results of our IVF, I’ve been adamant that I wanted to wait a few cycles to just regroup and heal.  It was my gut response.  I told the doctor, I told the nurse, and I told my husband:  I cannot do another IVF stim cycle anytime in the near future. 

Right now, I’m still heartbroken.

However, of course, the timing for a possible IVF #2 sucks.   I would have to start next week, or begin on freaking Thanksgiving, or, since the lab is closed the bulk of December, wait till the end of Janaury.  None of these situations are ideal.

So now we are tossing around just getting it overwith.  And starting ASAP on IVF #2.    This means, starting stims, again, next fucking week.

Of course, a significant conversation needs to take place with our doctor, my new protocol needs to be decided, the new meds need to be ordered, and we need to come up with boatloads of cash.     None of these are simple things.

And my head and heart aren’t ready.   But I wonder if it will ever get any easier?  I don’t think it will.

Luckily (?) our clinic offered to grandfather us into their PGD banking program.  We can bank 3 cycles of embryos for a reduced cost.  So IVF #2 would be a freeze all cycle.  And then we’d take a significant vacation, and hopefully (fingers crossed) do a frozen transfer in early 2012.

We are both looking forward to the vacation.

Given the results of our first IVF.  I have very little expectation for the second, and for my heart and my sanity, perhaps that is a better approach.

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One thought on “My Heart and My Sanity

  1. Taylor- My heart is heavy and filled w/ support and love whenever you need it. Please know you’re in my daily thoughts. Come back to us when you’re ready. We’re all here for you, no matter what you decide! Xoxo

    Princess (BBC)

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