I have a friend who is now 40 and attempted 9 IUIs.  All failed.  She had a miscarriage at the age of 35.  She never got pregnant naturally again.  Her only wish in life was to be a mother, and she cannot afford IVF.  Statistically, she will probably never be a mother.

I know a woman that endured the process of IVF, and the result was 9 amazing looking embryos.  After PGD testing, she learned they were all infected with a significant genetic disease, and therefore not viable.  

I have a friend who miscarried twin boys at 20 weeks.  I cannot imagine the pain of having to give birth to your children 17 weeks early, and to only know them for a matter of minutes.

Am I sad about the results of my first IVF? Yes.  And I’m allowed to be sad, then bitter, then angry, then sad.  Yes, I am allowed to grieve and heal.    I really wanted more embryos, because IVF (especially with PGD) is a numbers game.  I know women who have 8-10 embryos on ice.  Am I envious, yes?  I’m allowed to be.  Why do I have to endure this process again, and again?  Who did I piss off upstairs?

The simple answer is, life is unfair.  And this is my journey.  But in every situation in my life, I eventually try to put things in perspective.

With infertility, every step is a hurdle.   First you have to be able to afford IVF, then you have to be lucky enough to have the decent ovaries and sperm, then you have to produce quality embryos, then the transfer has to be successful, then you must have rising betas, then you must see a heartbeat.   AND THEN, dozens of things must go right so you carry a baby to full term.

I have a life outside infertility.  I have a husband (my best friend) who I am so very blessed to have.  I have family and close friends that love me, and whom I love in return.   Why dwell on what I don’t have?   I am working on being thankful for all the wonderful things I do have in my life.    And I am working on perspective.

It’s a work in progress.

5 thoughts on “Perspective

  1. Very insightful.
    Please say comparing yourself to others is not helpful, but I think if the comparison is like yours & increases our appreciation of the good in our lives, it can be VERY helpful. So, I guess I pick who I compare myself to… do I chose the family sitting in the pew ahead with 5 healthy children & feel bitter that I lost babies OR do I chose to see the lonely individual sitting alone & be thankful I have a happy marriage? Do I see the wheel-bound diabetic & rejoice that I can walk? No, I don’t always, but I should. Thank you for this reminder.

  2. I’d also like to think that my experiences have helped me enjoy my children more. I understand a little better what a gift each is. I watch my daughter dance & think “I don’t get to watch little Hope dance, so I’ll soak this sight in twice as deeply.”
    You guys for sure won’t take the joy of parenting for granted.

  3. Like your perspective in this post, your honesty about your feelings and knowing that this is a journey and that you seem to have a positive outlook. You have every right to go through every emotion you just mentioned. Glad you are still grateful for all the other things and working towards perspective. Really liked this post.

  4. Pingback: Never Had a Baby | 2 Lovebirds + 1 More, Please?

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