What’s Going On

Eating, Nausea, and Pooping (or lack there of). Right now I am eating chicken noodle soup and I am so so grateful. I just spent the last 36 hours in the fetal position (a slight dramatization, but it wasn’t pretty) with “morning” sickness and gas. Yes, gas. Huge crampy, stomachy gas. This morning, I was up at 6am for an ultrasound with the RE and back in bed at 8am. The misery broke at around 11am and I almost feel human again. My doctor asked my husband “what’s wrong with her?” He replied “she’s been sick for 30+ hours?” We also had a delightful discussion about poop. “Why haven’t you pooped?,” she asked? “That’s my question too,” I replied.

Giving Vaginal Progesterone the Finger. The decision was also made to stick to PEO for the next 2.5 weeks and not switch to vaginal progesterone. I hate hate hate vaginal progesterone. My response cannot be normal? I think last time I used it I referred to it as “en fuego crotch” or “fire vag.” I actually prefer PEO and my doctor is a saint.

Another Ultrasound. Our little guy is doing well and right on target. I told my husband this morning that it’s still difficult to believe there is a little person growing inside of me. I suppose it will feel more real as each week passes?

Lovenox Dosage Fiasco. There was a bit of a nightmare with my new Lovenox dosage, including something not so small as Lovenox actually does not make the dosage my doctor prescribed (in a pre-filled syringe). This took 5 plus days to turn around. I am now completely out of Lovenox and the pharmacy has assured me I will get my new dosage before my shot time at 11:30am tomorrow. Ok.

Losing Weight But My Clothes Are Too Tight? Yesterday I was determined to go to work (I made it 4 hours) and swore I could only muster yoga pants. I tried to pair them with a cute, sparkly tunic top and it was a huge fail. The top was tight across my stomach! I am going to be 8 weeks on Friday and I guess this is just, bloat? I’ve lost weight in the first trimester, so I assume my body is just redistributing due to the baby?

Maternity Clothes. My mom and I have been on a maternity clothes hunt, and so far things aren’t going well. They really just don’t make maternity clothes for short girls, everything is just too long, including the shirts. Most of what I found at Motherhood Maternity, Target, and Kohls were just huge on me. I found a few things I liked at The Pea in the Pod, but I cannot justify spending $258 on an everyday dress when I plan to only be pregnant once. I am in the market for a maternity winter coat (we found a few) and 1-2 dressy maternity dresses for events though. I think we’ve just decided to buy two cute pairs of pregnancy jeans, a soft black maternity skirt, and a pair of maternity black trousers and then get a bunch of cute of flowy shirts (in normal sizing) and some plain t-shirts. I will match this look with fun scarves and earrings and call it a day. Also, I will be pregnant in the fall and winter so I can get away with big sweaters and leggings and dresses and tights with boots. Hopefully whatever we buy I can wear after the pregnancy too.

The Pain in My Arse

I was pretty cocky after my first PEO shot in the buttski.  There was no lingering pain at all.  Sitting was fine and I was strutting around going “I wonder what all the fuss is about?”

We had followed the advice from my friends regarding the administration of the progesterone, with ice to the area, inject, massage the area, then apply heat.

For day 2, we followed the same routine and…

Fast forward to this morning and when I attempted to roll over in bed and I screeched in pain. Shortly thereafter, my acupuncturist rubbed the same spot and I screamed so loud there was a response that I could be scaring her other patients.

So yeah.  The progesterone in ethyl oleate is kicking my ass.  Literally.

If I get knocked up there will be 7+ more weeks of this, which is fine really, because the ends here justify the means.   However, today as I was strewn out across the acupuncture table with needles poking into my flab, I had a bone deep feeling the transfer was going to fail.

I hate that I cannot seem to be positive about this process, but I just cannot seem to find that headspace, at all.

This is How I Feel.

A bullet list of what’s goin’ on:

    • We have a date for transfer. We’ve hand picked the doctor, the uterus whisperer, and he of the highest transfer success rate at our clinic.   This is a “perk” of being a challenging case.
    • We have agreed to participate in an study wherein, prior to said transfer, they will wash my uterus with HCG. Rumor has it this will aid in embryo implantation. That would be fantastic.
    • I have another lining check tomorrow. On Monday, my lining was at an 8, type 1. After the check, we will sign and turn in our consent forms.
    • While my uterus is very compatible with Estrace, my head is not. I am still suffering from horrible headaches and significant exhaustion.   They upped my dose yesterday too.  Bastards.
    • The balance of my meds were just ordered. Including but not limited to, Neevo for the MTHFR and more Lovenox (always Lovenox). Progesterone in Ethyl Oleate to commence on Friday. Righto.
    • This upcoming transfer (our first) will take place approximately 15 months after our first RE appointment, 3 IVFs, and a lot of heartache.
    • And at this point, there is nothing else we can do to guarantee this embryo will stick.