We are (slowly) gearing up for IVF#4, which is tentatively scheduled for December or January. Why so far away? The treatment for my husband’s low morphology/sperm DNA fragmentation will take approximately 3 months to (hopefully) be effective and my body needs to get back to regular rhythms. I’m also behind on my supplements and acupuncture, 2 things that proved to very effective for IVF #3. Oh and there has been a return to healthy eating and virtually eliminating alcohol.
After IVF #4, we are done. We will transfer whatever we have (perhaps into a gestational carrier), and if nothing sticks, we will not have children. I am no quitter, but it will be financially impossible to continue on after this point.
In fact, last week we cashed in an investment we made 13 years ago, something I have often affectionately referred to as “my engagement ring.” Prior to our marriage, I decided I wanted to put the money my husband had set aside for an engagement ring into a real estate deal instead. When my friends said “show me your ring!” I replied with “we are the proud owners of few doorknobs in Bucks County, PA.” I rarely doubted this decision, as the investment paid us quarterly and has increased in value significantly. However now because of infertility costs, we had to liquidate “my engagement ring.” I feel a real sense of loss that we had to do this. How many other women have sold their engagement ring for the oh so slim chance of having a baby? I am in the minority. On so many levels.
It stuns me me that people actually have sex and the result is a baby, while in comparison we have countless years of sadness and an empty bank account. All that really runs through my head is “what losers we are.”