We are in the process of finalizing a trip to Chicago to see Dr. Kwak-Kim. Her office sent me a pile of paperwork that I turned around within 3 hours. I think they were a little shocked at how quickly I completed it all. I guess that is the benefit(?) of already filling out similar paperwork for Dr. Braverman.

There are many reasons for the travel, however the main one is that we are on the cusp of making some significant decisions and we are not comfortable basing them solely on Dr. Braverman’s expertise. We want a second opinion. And honestly, I think we need the second opinion just to feel like we’ve covered all the possible bases. I could also go into the cons of dealing with Dr. Braverman, but I will just say that he’s a very busy doctor that is often spread too thin. Also, the jury is still out but it looks like Dr. Kwak-Kim takes our insurance.

Things with me are very up and down. Some days I am ok (not happy, but OK) and other days I cry often. There were tears today after I read a facebook status update that said “Children make the holiday season magical.” The truth is, I feel no magic in this holiday season (or the past few) and I’m looking forward to bidding 2012 adieu. Actually, I think my first thought here was “2012 can go fuck itself.” Recently, it occurred to me that I am not just crying for my recent miscarriage but at the very real possibility that our infertility journey has come to an end and we have 0 money and 0 children to show for it.