Where we are headed

I cannot give an accurate review of the endometrial biopsy, as I was doped up on codeine and my doctor is a rockstar who used “very small instruments” since I am “small and tight” (cannot wait till someone googles that) because I “have never had a baby.”  Sigh. That’s why we are having this test, right doc? Anyway.  She also “did not want to have to dilate my cervix.” Her exact words.   So the whole thing was pretty uncomfortable, but not screamingly painful.   There was some concern she did not get enough tissue (due to the small instruments), so let’s hope pathology doesn’t bitch about the sample.  I will hopefully have the results in a few days.

We are gearing up for a vacation. T-3 days!   And then (upon decent EB results) it’s straight into a FET.   Do not pass go, do not… well you know the cliche.  I had a dream last night it didn’t work.  Fucking subconscious.

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180 Degrees

In a complete 180, we have decided to and are now prepping for a frozen transfer in June.

There are a lot of life ducks that must be lined up so we can take this next step.  Like scheduling time off our jobs, lying to our families (we are keeping this quiet), pushing for the best transfer doctor, and fitting in a vacation prior, those types of things.  The physical plan is just Estrace and PIO (and Lovenox, always Lovenox).  Oh and an Endometrial biopsy that I significantly advocated for.

I belong to an online PGD group and we’ve seen numerous women transfer chromosomally normal embryos but end up with a negative beta.  Testing after (via an endometrial biopsy) indicated inflammation and other issues that may have affected implantation. Our group is now questioning why an EB isn’t routinely done prior to a transfer?

I was prepared to go a few rounds with my doctor about this, and in fact, started my campaign, dressed in a hospital gown, just 10 minutes prior to my last egg retrieval.   Her initial response was “I see no indication this won’t work for you without an EB.”  I quietly told her “I know many women with chromosomally normal embryos who, it didn’t work for. And since I only have 1 embryo, I can’t be so cavalier with it.”  I followed this up with an e-mail, respectfully requesting we rule out as much as we can prior to a transfer. Like the rockstar that she is,  she promptly scheduled the EB for me.  Next Thursday.  Damn.  No time to mentally prep.  A clear cut case of you get what you argue for, huh?  At least I still have pain killers leftover from my first ER.

So, the next question is, are there any other tests or protocols I should be inquiring about?

What is Normal? It’s Bittersweet.

We received our PGD results back and added another chromosomally normal embryo to our tiny stock in the freezer.   When my doctor called with the results, I broke down into happy tears at my office.   While many people would think 2 embryos equals a poor showing, my husband and I are overwhelmed and amazed to just have 2.  It really is relative.

The better of the 2,  a hatching 6BA embryo was chromosomally abnormal.    If we had not done genetic testing, we would have transferred that 6BA hatching embryo.  Thank god we did PGD.

Yesterday, I looked around and realized that 90% of the woman I began this journey with are either pregnant, about to deliver or have newborn babies.  And I’m the pathetic one who is excited about having 2 embryos frozen.    It is a very lonely and painful headspace to be in.

I will be cycling again in June.  Same protocol.  Same bat channel.  But first we are going to spend 7 days putting around the British Virgin Islands.     A well earned break before the madness begins again.