Her life, My life

So my BFF is pregnant. 

She casually let me know that she and her husband only had sex once last month and she’s angry at him for “knocking her up.”  

How kind of her to relate these details to me.

Coincidentally, IVF #3, with growth hormones, starts in less than 2 weeks and on the anniversary due date of my baby that never was.

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Fitting In

A few months ago I was asked to leave an online group called “Never Been Pregnant” because I enjoyed a chemical pregnancy for 5 days.

It was decidely painful for me, as I had just come off a really shitty IVF and couldn’t find a place in the wide wide world of infertilty web to hang my hat and call home.  

It’s been upbeat since then, you know, with my second IVF yeilding 0 embryos.  

I guess all this heartache isn’t enough, huh?  I also get kicked off online fertility boards. 

Now the person who asked me to leave is pregnant.  And I wonder, was she asked to leave that group as well?

Here it comes..

IVF #3 is around the corner and I have very little expectation that it will go well.   I’d like to say I am apathetic, but in reality I am very upset that I have to endure the process again.    I feel guilty for feeling this way, as I know people who wish they could afford IVF.  Nonetheless, it is how I feel.   There has been so much heartache with this process, and as the day draws nearer, I find myself close to (if not) in tears often.    

Also my stats indicate that a boatload of people are visiting this blog.   Clearly, I’ve had nothing to say recently.   So, uh, hi?