Scratch Off

I had a lining scratch/biopsy yesterday and I also requested an updated E2 blood draw. My doctor and I discussed how my body held on to the Delestrogen inordinately longer than most others. In fact, it took 50+ days to recalibrate my cycle after the medicated FET. I was happy to learn my E2 finally dropped (from 237 to 81) so a proper bleed is imminent.

They are sending the scratch biopsy out to look for any infection in my lining. We are not testing for the Beta-3 Integrin as I had that test in the past, and it indicated I was not missing the protein. If there is some sort of issue with my lining from this recent biopsy, I need to treat it with antibiotics and then decide if I want to push my next FET back to January, instead of November.

It took me 8 fresh IVF cycles to get these last 3 normal embryos, so I will need to think this through carefully. As much as I hate waiting, the logical me is saying I need to transfer under optional conditions. I have about a week to decide.

Edited to add: The results are back, and I do not have endometritis. And yes, I am surprised.

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Protocol for FET #3

My next FET will vary from my last one in a number of ways. To prep, I am going to do an endometrial scratch and a long course of antibiotics (to treat any possible infection). My last cycle, I had a combo saline sonogram/mini scratch. While my doctor doesn’t put much stock in the scratch, he is willing to do it as it cannot hurt our outcome.     We are also going to follow my natural cycle, with supplementation of estrace and progesterone, only as needed.  There will be 0 medicated suppression.  The immune protocol will remain the same.

Let’s be honest, things aren’t very positive here right now.   We’ve been actively pursing infertility treatments since March 2011 and we have 0 living children.   Short of using a gestational carrier, there isn’t much more we can do to make this work.

Supplements (daily):
Vitamin E (400-600iu), Vitamin D (2000iu), Calcium (500mg twice a day), and Fish Oil (1000mg)

FET Medications
Prenatals
Estrace Pills (Oral)
Progesterone in Ethyl Oleate (100ml / 2m l)
Doxycycline (for 2 weeks)

Immune Medications
Metanx
Baby aspirin
Prednisone 20mg
Lovenox (30mg 2x a day until first ANTI-Xa)
Intralipids

Which Way

I’d like to say things are getting better and staying better but it seems that returning to infertility treatments has halted and also reversed any healing I did after my miscarriage.

I hate hate hate where I am right now and I’m angry that I cannot seem to snap out of it. Women have miscarriages all the time, it’s not like I’m special or anything. I wish I knew how to just suck it up and move on. On one hand I remind myself that I only lost the pregnancy a few months ago but on the other hand I feel like I should of made more progress? I should be feeling better? I don’t know. It’s just, we put so much emotional, physical and financial effort into that baby we lost: 3 IVFs, a polyp removal, CCS testing, 1000’s of injections (FU Lovenox), the bulk of our savings, etc and now I just feel empty. I have always been a strong person and I feel so very defeated.

Yesterday I cancelled on my RE literally 1 hour before I was scheduled to have a procedure. Instead, I stayed in bed and cried for a few hours. My husband then called to see how the procedure went and was shocked when he heard I didn’t go. I always go. I finally dragged myself out of bed, worked a few hours and then cut out early for a manicure and pedicure. I am trying, but some days the sadness is just overwhelming.

Perhaps it isn’t just the miscarriage, but that I am so worn down after almost 2 years of failed infertility treatments? Why continue when we always get bad news? There are just so many obstacles against us. I don’t know how we will overcome my husbands sperm DNA fragmentation and I don’t know how to overcome the HLA match issues. Especially as there is now some concern about using Neupogen due to my blood clotting issues. While we are fine using a gestational carrier it is a huge expense for us on top of 2 years of expensive infertility treatments.

I’ll admit it, I bought Powerball tickets yesterday. Unlimited funds would really help us reach the goal of 1 baby. We won $7.

Just a note to those of you who sent me an email, txt, or left a message after my last post. Thank you for checking in. Thank you for taking 1 minute out of your day to say hello, commiserate or just support. It made me feel less alone.

Where we are headed

I cannot give an accurate review of the endometrial biopsy, as I was doped up on codeine and my doctor is a rockstar who used “very small instruments” since I am “small and tight” (cannot wait till someone googles that) because I “have never had a baby.”  Sigh. That’s why we are having this test, right doc? Anyway.  She also “did not want to have to dilate my cervix.” Her exact words.   So the whole thing was pretty uncomfortable, but not screamingly painful.   There was some concern she did not get enough tissue (due to the small instruments), so let’s hope pathology doesn’t bitch about the sample.  I will hopefully have the results in a few days.

We are gearing up for a vacation. T-3 days!   And then (upon decent EB results) it’s straight into a FET.   Do not pass go, do not… well you know the cliche.  I had a dream last night it didn’t work.  Fucking subconscious.